If My Family Was A Television Show

Netflix and Hulu are awesome for watching old sitcoms.  Lately, our family has liked to gather around the television to watch old episodes of The Cosby Show.  If you’re like me and haven’t watched The Cosby Show since you were a kid, go fire it up.  You’ll be surprised at how funny these old shows actually were, before writers started running out of good ideas.  Watching these shows got me to thinking about what TV characters are most like my family.  After days of thought on the subject, here is what I came up with:

My Daughter is: Becky Conner – Roseanne
 

I remember Becky as being cute, bookwormy, and above all, as being the moodiest girl in primetime television.  If that is not my daughter, I don’t know what is.  One minute she’s sweet as apple pie, the next she’s a psychotic midget tornado who will destroy anyone in her path. She’s 11 going on 19 and you cannot tell her anything she doesn’t already know.  Like Becky, my kid also has the ability to be a sweetheart, I just don’t remember those episodes.

Chores? CHORES!!!

My Stepson is: Urkel – Family Matters
 

Urkel is one of the most memorable characters in television history.  He was a nerd with a kind heart and hilariously bad dance skills.  Sometimes he was so dorky, you just had to laugh and shake your head.  That is my stepson.  This kid dances around the living room like a drunken crackhead who thinks no one’s watching (even though he knows we are).  Remember that episode where Steven drinks the potion and becomes “Stephon” who’s like Fonzie level cool?  Well hopefully that potion is in my boy’s future, otherwise it’s going to be a long and lonely high school career.

Every day he's shufflin'

My Wife is: Monica Geller – Friends

 

Oh. My. God.  Nicole is a sexy, nerdy, neat-freak who literally just spent her entire Friday night detailing and rearranging ONE room in our house.  I’m talking about an eight-hour project, not just a quick, let’s-push-shit-out-of-the-way-to-create-the-illusion-of clean Mark style cleaning.  This follows a weekend in which our already decently clean garage was just cleaned out and reorganized.  Top that off with the fact that she’s freakishly strong, and you have another Geller.

Oh my God, I married Mark!

I am: Doug Heffernan – King of Queens

 

I actually had a friend tell me that my personality reminded her of Doug.  I assume it’s because I’m hilarious and self-deprecating, but part of me knows it’s really because we’re both fat.  My vote for my TV show doppelganger was Chandler from Friends because of his sarcasm and girlish tendencies, but for some reason I feel like naming my own character is cheating.  Plus, even though Doug is a chubby goofball he’s still cooler than Ms. Chanandler Bong.

Mark Heffernan, Mall Cop and Rockband BOSS!

It was hilarious putting this list together, so much so, that I think next week I’ll do parents.  I bet my Mother-in-Law is excited about that.