It's Even Painful Just To Look At!

I would never claim to be completely up-to-date on the latest fashions of our world, but at some point, we've got to draw the line. Just because Lil' Wayne feels the need to wear his yellow tube socks and green slippers to a basketball game, doesn't mean that it looks good or that people should adopt that look. Which brings me to my point, just 'cause you see someone else wearing their sister's jeans out and about doesn't mean that it's in style or it's even ok.

That's right, I'm talkin' about skinny jeans. No guy can try and convince me that they've never seen another dude out wearing a pair of skinny jeans and just didn't instantly feel like someone just kicked them in the family jewels! How'd those things even come into our existence to begin with? I serioulsy can't imagine a scenario where one fall afternoon some guy was helping out around the house and was folding his wife's jeans and thought to himself, "dude, I could fit into these and it would be totally hot." Okay, obviously I can, but still. And that's not even to mention that whatever it might possibly take to climb into those king kong-killers. A word of advice, when you have to design a machine to stretch your jeans out enough for you to swan dive off your dresser into your pants just so you can utilize the full force of gravity pulling you back to the earth so you can get your legs 3/4 of the way into your pants, it's time to re-evaluate the wardrobe.

And even if you some how manage to squeeze your over-weight badonka donk into your sister's jeans, doesn't mean that you belong into them. Trust me on this one, unless your first name is Charlize and your last name is Theron, you should not be wearing those things. My wife being the only exception to this rule, 'cause, well, I married up and she's got a smokin' figure. Still, you who think you need to wear those, you don't.

I don't care if you're "Tiny" Tim or Dirk Diggler, DUDES especially, have no business skinny jeans. It's unnatural, it's unconventional and it just LOOKS uncomforatable! Consider this, if square pegs don't fit into round holes, dudes don't fit into skinny jeans. It's simple. Don't force that, man.